all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
