How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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