Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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