I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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