3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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