My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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