Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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