Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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