The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
