I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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