I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just high enough for therapy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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