i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
