dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
