at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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