K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
