Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
