I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
