I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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