I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So vagazzling was a success
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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