We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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