you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
