Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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