Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
