had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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