he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
