Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
