he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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