I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
