omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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