We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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