I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
