I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
