Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
