You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
