yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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