i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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