lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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