Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
