I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
