How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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