I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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