my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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