why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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