somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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