she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
