I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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