I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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