I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
