How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
soo... how was my night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
