Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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