I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
