Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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