i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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