I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
