It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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