i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
