You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize