His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
