I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
