just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
