ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
