I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
