My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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