So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
