I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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