my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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