first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
