I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
