JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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