Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize